The Endless Dream

Taking One Step Back

2007-03-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

Preparing.

Waiting.

Worrying.

Sighing.

Doing Nothing.

That's pretty much everything.

@*&% !

Taking one step back could be a good thing to do right now.

Still....

It pains

Pain is good sometimes.

Proof of life

Dangerous Wait-er

2006-10-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Waiting is suck, isn't it?

Waiting can be dangerous. Why?

It's common in human life that they can't take to wait;a year, a monthy, a day, an hour, even a second. Take someone in waiting line for some bank, let say, even the most patient person on earth has this urge in his heart to leap into the front of other person infront of him. The stress of waiting is what dangerous, because sometimes when things on our life went wrong, waiting is the least of what we wish to do but hey you just have to do it. And it is SUCK!You can snap at that second you have to wait or in the middle of waiting cause you just can't take it anymore. Just give me the damn thing that I waiting for RIGHT NOW! sorry for the curses word. If you ever spot one.

Waiting can be beautiful. Why?

You work and wish while you wait. You put your whole hope on waiting. Cause if you're patience for this some hope, wish...maybe....maybe....what you will get in the end is something that is more than you expected. And that's all.

For anyone that waits in the world. Yeah it is suck but be patience....it could turn out good. I haven't seen the price right now...but I keep believing.

Who Moved My Cheese?

2006-08-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

It was last weekend. I went to a bookstore with my oldest brother. I picked up some intelectual book...ok just one intelectual book and several magazine. The book has title 'Who Moved My Cheese' by Spencer Johnson, MD. This book is one of the best selling book so I'm curious. I read it and found it very interesting. The story might too easy for some people, heck it's about four mice running around in a maze trying to get cheese, I mean come on how hard can it gets to read that story! However if you read it and reflect it in your life, it might illuminate you to do something very useful, what'll it be? Try to read it and you'll know.

One thing for sure.

MOVE WITH THE CHEESE!

The way to peace is....

2006-07-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

Today I've seen a film about Mahatma Gandhi, Ben Kingsley play the part as Gandhi. I must say I'm touched by the philosophy of no-violence that Gandhi taught. In the end of the movie there's a line that somehow goes like this, 'pain and evil in the end will always loose to truth and love, think about it, it always loose'. I like that line.

It's true that sometimes we can't see how peace can ever happen in time of war, time of madness but isn't it because we give up in the way of doing the right thing? what's the right thing? it's the thing that every religion, every moral, every life can agree: be kind to each other;treat other people like we want to treat our selves;live in goodness;....love....one.....another. That's the thing that's always right, true love; unselfishness love;unrevenge love.

People are the same in everywhere, they're afraid of what they can't understand and blame other people for making them afraid which is foolish because you create that own fear in yourself. Of course no one can truly eliminate fear in themselves, but that not means that you can't try. Fight that fear and then you can fight other people fear. God will always help you if you ask in the right heart.

What's right is this line, 'there's no way to peace, peace is the way'.

2006-07-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

something wrong with my blog.....

Anyway just testing. Haven't been writing anything much lately. Lazziness creeping into my very being. Need to crawl back to sharpness of sense.

Fireworks!

2006-07-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

Fireworks in Boston. It was soooo....prettty. We got good seats, although there some tree blocking our view somehow the tree helps making the fireworks even more amazing! Everything really there for a reason. There were songs the same time the fireworks launched, one of them was Crow's 'Soak up the Sun?' . The song ended the right time the fireworks faded away, so beautiful.

Forget....sounds good

2006-06-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

It's such a wonder on how's mind picks memory. I still remember one or two things that happened when I was still small. Some of the memory I have of course bad and some of them great. Some memory I could remember it so clearly. The drawback of having memory, at least what we think, is when we couldn't forget memory that pains us like hell.

Why do we have to have memory anyway? Is it to make us into better human? Doesn't bad memory only corners people to the edge of their sanity? How come we unable to control our memory? Couldn't we pick good memory only?

Then I thinking more and more. In life we know there's pain and hatred. Each pain has their own purpose even when we coudn't see what the purpose is. Pain is actually one of the proof that we're alive. Proof of life...hm...great...I sound so poetic *sighs* What I mean, memory reminds us that life is important. Each frame of memory guide us to what we become now. Even when it pains us to remember. I think the key is to survive. Memory give us more meaning when we survive the pain.

Anyway, this thought come out nowhere. Actually I want to talk about my birthday party two days ago. My friends were coming. The cakes's extremely mouth watering. Vote for Finale!

Around Us

2006-04-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

the English version of 'Sekitar Kita'

As long as the world goes around
the difference never fade away
carried by the ego of human being
don't want to share each other feeling

please open your inner eyes
imagine how the world will be
let us walk together in one heart
for reaching our hope and pray
of a beautiful world

imagine that all of us
walk together as one
to a peaceful and a prosper life
take a minute and share a moment
to take a look around us
there's a gap between human beings
take a look around us...

is there a glimpse of happiness
that's left in our heart
hand-in-hand closed our heart together
there's no difference in love and care

by Krakatau

Remember, remember the fifth of November.

2006-03-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

Hmmm.....most of my post is about film. Oh well....one more won't hurt.

Remember, remember

The Fifth of November

The gunpowder treason and plot

I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot

^_^

I'm just back from watching V for Vendetta. For me, I like it very much. Have many political idea behind it but that's alright. Usually I don't want to get near anything about politic, that's kinda bad since we have to know what's going one around us, don't we? V for Vendetta story is about revolution against a totalitarian British government (dictator if you prefer). This idea of revolution brought by a a masked vigilante with a code name V. And of course what's a hero without a partner. Behold Evey, an ordinary woman, damsell in distress, rescued from a life-and-death situation by V. The rest is history (what you don't expect me to tell the whole story, don't ya?)

I wonder....this movie made me remember what hapenned in my country before. When the college students all around Indonesia strike to overthrown the government at that time. In unity we shall prevail! Prevail indeed. The trigger however is the shooting that happened in one of the university at that time. The shooting cause several student dies. No one knows exactly who shooting them. Many believe it's their government troops that send to 'calm' the student down. Many student being abducted, many missing and don't know what become of them. Our prayer is with them. After that shoot, then come chaos. Chaos that we can't forget even if we want to. It's a scar that remind us that people can be dangerous when they're mad. I'm sure this is not what the students wants but after that we then realise that you can't be a dictator for a long time and people should not keep silent. When they realised that, the course of the future flipped. It's true my country still try to get up after nasty fall but at least we know that it necessary to bring an end to tyranny. There's some line from the movie,

The people should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people

The truth is we're pretty much afraid of each other. Afraid of being rejected or afraid to love or afraid just because the other person made us scared. People with power usually either being comfortable with guards surround them or life every day afraid that someone might thrown them away from their power. Sometimes...we're so tired to be afraid, so tired to be overshadow by something we can't understand or to afraid to reveal. But when we found a reason, an idea to believe in, we'll survive and further more, we're free. If you believe in love and you experienced it, even when you feel pain you remember that you're being loved before, and no one can take that away from you. Remember, each time you said you love someone, what you said could save that person soul. Cause there's hope in love. It's true that love bring weakness to us because that's mean we need someone, but from weakness come strength to protect someone. That kind of strength could overcome pain and fear.

Sekitar Kita

2006-02-21T16:50:00.000-08:00

selama dunia masih berputar
perbedaan tak pernah pudar
terbawa keangkuhan manusia
tak ingin membagi rasa

bukalah mata hati kita
bayangkan masa depan dunia
bersatu rasa untuk melangkah
demi meraih harapan
dunia yang indah

bayangkanlah kita semua
berjalan bersama
menuju hidup damai sejahtera
sempatkanlah untuk melihat
di sekitar kita
ada kesenjangan antara manusia
lihat sekitar kita ..

adakah sepercik bahagia
yang tersisa di hati kita
bergandeng tangan dekatkan hati
tiada perbedaan dalam cinta dan kasih

by Krakatau

Unsure

2006-01-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

There's time in your life that you're unsure of what you've become now. Is good to be what I am now? Do I make a lot of mistake? What if the path that I taken so far is just...wrong. But what if it's wrong? The right question is what'll you do after that? Are you going to do something or you just stand still and let the the course take you anywhere they want. We have to make choices. And no one said it is easy. In all the confusion of choices, wrong and right, black and white, we will and have to suffer. Why? Because when we suffer, we'll realise what's important for us. And what'll comfort us in the end of the tunnel.

For my fellow Chinese, Happy New Year. Dog rules! ^^

drank one beer, eat sushi, chinese cake, and dumplings. That what I did.

It's the Holliday Season

2005-12-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

It's the Holliday Season
uptudidup parapudipup
...................

It's almost Christmast everyone! The town is already full with Christmast ornament even at the beginning of December. This semester is nice, I worked hard and I got good grades also, well.....still waiting two grades. I hope Professor Guasoni will give me an A! Hahaha...that'll be perfect. After Stochastic final over, me and my classmates was going to Cornwell and drank merrily (I drank vodka with lime, I think and beers).

I'm definitely will cook more this winter break. I'm planning to cook arem-arem (it's a rice dishes with a spicy beef inside it and wrapped with a banana leaf), the problem is I don't know where to find banana leaves in here...maybe use foil instead of banana leaf? I also want to bake cakes, the problem is....again...microwave take too much electricity. I don't want to have a blackout suddenly in my home.

To all who're in the way to their home or already in their home with their family. I want to say Happy Holliday, have a nice winter break.

Clock

2005-11-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Time went really fast and we can only say 'where's time goes by?'

I watched Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire two days ago. The line was long, we have to come on hour before the movie start or we don't get good seat. Harry, etc. is growing fast, it feels like we watching him growing up in that movie from little boy to a teenager. The story kinda sad, but I very please with the movie. Good job!

I'm going to Las Vegas on wednesday. Wonder what's like in there. 6 hours on airplane. He's going to kill me!!!!

Hey! Man! I'm Alive!

2005-10-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the line in Bon Jovi song 'Saturday night'? I only remember few lines.

I feeling like Monday but someday I'll be Saturday night.

Here I am after finishing my S-Plus code. Sending my latest homework, which is good. And realise that I'll be going to big apple on Sunday for career day. I'm nervous, anxious, whatever you call it before the big moment (at least for me). I'm just realise how little that I learn right now. If the moment come I just have to trust myself, trust my guts and face them with knowledge and confidence (I pray and hope to God above).

They say tomorrow will be raining, no sunshine. Brrr......

Sunday night will be Halloween. I wonder if I could join trick and treat? Am I too old for that? I can dress as a witch, with pointed hat and stuff. Or I can join some party and get drunk. Er...that would be wrong.

Like Professor Guasoni said, there're three things in life
taxes, death and put-call-parity

It's trivial!!!

A new strategy

2005-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

If something in your life doesn't seem to work/succeed maybe you should change your strategy. Like now, I know how sleepy I can be after classes and if I force myself to study in afternoon, I'll be just....worn out. So I change my strategy and start to take a nap in the afternoon then wake up in the middle of the night and study until morning. It's good and it's bad. The bad thing about this strategy is that if you have early class (like 9 am class), you sure will get very sleepy if you study until 4 am.

Temptation

2005-08-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

A huge temptation always come when you need to focus on something. There always a distraction, that might be the best way to put it, yes...distraction. I always consider distraction in study means I'm getting bored or I'm just lazy.

There's a statement that going in my head recently: ' don't worry about something bad will happen too much, if you continue to worry then it'll certaintly will occur. What you need to do is to believe that you can certaintly pass it whatever it is, God will be with you in everyway ' Amen of that.

Clover

2005-08-09T15:10:00.000-07:00

If you find a four-leaf clover,
It will bring happiness;

But
don't tell Anyone

Where its white flower
blooms.

Or how how many leaf-lets from its stem extend.

The four-leaved clover.

I only want your happiness, knowing
I can never be yours to share it.

.................................another poem in Clover manga by Clamp

Awfully Tired

2005-08-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'm tired....not physically though. Gaaahhh....really tired.

Make Friends and Be Happy!

2005-08-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

Meeting new friends make you happy. You won't feel alone anymore ^^

Clover

2005-07-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

I want happiness
I seek happiness

To cause your happiness
To be your happiness

So take me
Someplace far away
To a true Elsewhere
Please take me there

Magic that last
Never-ending Kiss
Reverie without break
Imperishable bliss…

Take me
I want happiness

Birds sing
Song of unknown tongue
Though winged, they
Still fail to reach the sky

A place not to be treated alone

So take me
To a true Elsewhere

Wet feathers
Locked fingers
Melting flesh
Fusing mind

Take me
I want happiness

Not your past
But your present is what I seek

Please take me there
I want happiness
...........................from Clover manga by CLAMP

Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

2005-07-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

You know the moment when all things went wrong and people blame you for the error/the problem and you realise that you do did something wrong but not all of it is your fault. You'll get upset of course, and then again you'll have to correct yourself and push yourself not to do the same mistake. The question is...is it good when other people blame you, mad at you, giving you advice when you do half (all) thing wrong? Will it shape you into something better or it'll just destroying you because you realise 'I'm stupid, why do I do these things' and goes to 'darker place' where gloomy and desperate collides.

Totally alien

2005-06-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Being in foreign country is weird. Different language, different culture...something like that. Of course there always fear of unable to communicate, unable to tell them what we're thinking or what we want. In few months or a year? How long until we accustom living in foreign country? I guess that depend on each person.

One thing I know for sure. There's nothing better than our home.

Farewell Party 2005

2005-06-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hello!hello! long time no see my bloggy honey ^^

Yesterday I made a farewell party plus my late birthday party ( my birthday is in June 10th) in Plaza Senayan Foodcourt. It was so much fun, my bestfriends from elementary school, junior high school, high school and University are coming! Hmm let see... there's Meity (my bestfriend in elementary school in Curug), Seruni and Tara, the sweet Dee2 (she was wearing pink shirt^^), Nunik, Rere, Helen and Yuni. We ate and talked about anything, from marriage to actor. Don't forget about me girls!

I also want to tell about my trip to Bali. Me and my sister were staying in a hotel near Kuta beach...I forget the name ^;; We went to Kuta, Tabanan, Museum of Paintings, Pasar Sukawati etc....I love the food. Balinese food is amazing!

Arggggghhhhhh headache!

2005-05-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

*sighs* What is with life that is soo...sooo....dificult.... You know you want this but you have to think twice to take it, there's your family point of view, another family point of view...and oh yes family!

Don't mind me...I just rambling and doesn't have anyone I really want to talk to *cursing softly under her breath*

Oh yes, I love kyou kara maou and xxxholic right now. Love Yuuko all the way!

Patch Adams

2005-02-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

It was all begin when my Professor took me and my fellow student to a restaurant. We started talking about how annoying a Dean can be and how disturbing University administration can be. My Professor told us that medical student in our University has to watch Patch Adams movie, it a must for them! My friend Citra implied that she had seen the movie and it was great. it really made me curious. A few days after that was my graduation day. Verrry exciting...I don't talk about it in this post unfortunately. I'll write about it when I'm in the mood.

Ok. Few days after my graduation day, I borrowed Patch Adams movie from this rental shop. I wacthed it three times and I must tell you, it really a great movie! A great movie is a movie that can move you (not literrally) in a good way. It based on true story about how Hunter Patch Adams, a medical student, become a doctor. It's a drama/comedy movie. There something about drama movies that make people don't want to watch them, most of the time because we feel it really boring to watch the movies even when we haven't watch them. But! if we try to watch it, it trully can move us. I hope in a good way.

The movies encourage us, especially me, to pursue your dream whatever it may cause. I suggest it truly is your true dream, that in your dream lies also your talent that God gave you, well...something like that. I just don't want people to try to make their dream came true while it not really where you suppose to be. It hard to explain. Ok...The movies encourage me to find my dream. Right now I fell like I want to be a teacher. I hope that really is my dream and I hope I got talent to be a teacher. I don't know for fact where my talent is. I guess people should tell me what kind of talent I got. Or...I just have to dig in my heart and mind to find it. I want to know where my place in the future. I feel like...I never find my dream. I don't know anymore what I like and what I want to be. God help me...

Mother Goose Ryhmes

2005-02-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross,
To see a fine lady upon a white horse;
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
And she shall have music wherever she goes.

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can;
Pat it and prick it, and mark it with B,
Put it on the oven for baby and me.

How many miles to Babylon?
Three score miles and ten.
Can I get there by candle-light?
Yes, and back again.
If your heels are nimble and light,
You may get there by candle-light.

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And all that's nice,
That's what little girls are made of.

.......ganked it from 'Happy Talk' manga

Eurica!

2005-01-12T00:50:00.000-08:00

*dancing with joy* I graduated!Yipee! At last I finished my thesis. I want to thank you God Lord Almighty, my parents, all my professors, Seruni,Crissy,my fellow student in math UI and my friends in bloggerfamily. I love you all!

My last presentation in January 10th is the most frightening moment of my life. I can't never be that afraid of an exam. I was trembling when I'm speaking, I was speaking so low that my Professor,at that time, asked me to repeat my answer. So stressful but it pay off. I got B for my thesis (final project as some people say).

Yesterday, I went to Hotel Menara Peninsula to check a careerday exhibition. So many people and so many line! I've to wait for more than one hour to get inside the exhibition. The security was quite strict. It was about 20 company in there, Niaga Bank, Permata Bank, ASTRA, etc...I hope I can get job. I'm jobless now.

Well....I need to rest, actually, my head still spinning and I'm so sleepy. Usually I sleep during afternoon and stay awake until midnight to work on my thesis. Gladly,that was over. Now....I got to have some fun. Who say yey with me?^^

Christmast Eve

2004-12-24T22:46:00.000-08:00

I just got back from church. The topic tonight is fear. Everybody have their own fear. But...we don't just sit doing nothing, but with help from God and some bravery, we must challenge our fear. It'll have to sooner or later. Right now...my greatest fear would be not pass my comprehensive =_= *sighs*

I say now.....MERRY CHRISTMAST!

So tired....

2004-12-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

I passed my coloqium^^ yey! But now...I'm feeling so tired because earlier that day, I'm running with my high heels shoes. I'm not used to that shoes..so.....my feet is hurt now.....ow...ow....I'm glad that I passed, of course. I've never imagine that It'll go quite nicely. I even laughing with my professors during my presentation. I hope my last presentation will go as nice as this.

Revision...right....need to do that. But tonight...I'm gonna sleeeeepppppp........*huggles her pillow*

To All Mother, especially my mother^^ Happy Mothers day!

Songs of Innocence-Night

2004-12-16T11:01:00.000-08:00

The sun descending in the west,
The evening star does shine;
The birds are silent in their nest,
And I must seek for mine.
The moon like a flower,
In heaven's high bower,
With silent delight
Sits and smiles on the night.

Farewell, green fields and happy groves,
Where flocks have took delight;
Where lambs have nibbled, silent moves
The feet of angels bright;
Unseen they pour blessing,
And joy without ceasing,
On each bud and blossom,
And each sleeping bosom.

They look in every thoughtless nest,
Where birds are covered warm;
They visit caves of every beast,
To keep them all from harm:
If they see any weeping
That should have been sleeping,
They pour sleep on their head,
And sit down by their bed.

When wolves and tigers howl for prey,
They pitying stand and weep, -
Seeking to drive their thirst away,
And keep them from the sheep.
But if they rush dreadful,
The angels, most heedful,
Receive each mild spirit,
New worlds to inherit.

And there the lion's ruddy eyes
Shall flow with tears of gold,
And pitying the tender cries,
And walking round the fold,
Saying, "Wrath, by his meekness,
And, by his health, sickness
Is driven away
Form our immortal day.

"And now beside thee, bleating lamb,
I can lie down and sleep;
Or think on him who bore thy name,
Graze after thee and weep.
For, washed in life's river,
My bright mane for ever
Shall shine like the gold,
As I guard o'er the fold."

--------William Blake

Panic

2004-12-13T21:37:00.000-08:00

gwahhhh.........on Saturday 11th December. I went to Hotel Borobudur and while I was in there, suddenly I got informed that I had to go to my University to met one of my Professor. Gwah.....from Hotel Borobudur to University of Indonesia???? Long way to go. I guess that what they called sacrifice.

Which one is more important...

2004-12-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Choosing something can be easy if we know what we want. But if the choices is as equally interesting or diffficult, we found it very difficult to choose. We then come to this question, which one is more important to choose?

Auguries of Innocence

2004-11-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house filled with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell through all its regions.
A dog starved at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipped and armed for fight
Does the rising sun affright.
Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer wandering here and there
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misused breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be beloved by men.
He who the ox to wrath has moved
Shall never be by woman loved.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the Last Judgment draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them, and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from Slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of Envy's foot.
The poison of the honey-bee
Is the artist's jealousy.
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so:
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands,
Throughout all these human lands;
Tools were made and born were hands,
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright
And returned to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes Revenge! in realms of death.
The beggar's rags fluttering in air
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier armed with sword and gun
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the labourer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands,
Or if protected from on high
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mocked in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner who sits so sly
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plough
To peaceful arts shall Envy bow.
A riddle or the cricket's cry
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not through the eye
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light
To those poor souls who dwell in night,
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

-------William Blake

Hahaha..I love games in yahoo!

2004-11-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

Now I'm back in track. Yes! I regain my strength and my motivation. Not all though but it's enough to make me smile. Right now I've new hobby, playing games in yahoo when I need rest from my writing. Just for couples of minutes then I'm back in writing.

I think I'll drop one of Rping forums. Too tired to continue act as Rodolphus Lestrange. I love that name....Lestrange.

Tuesday morning...

2004-11-23T09:40:00.000-08:00

*whines* O.o I smell like cigarette!!

Motivation. I lack of motivation but I need it the most right now. Working your thesis without motivation is like...dead wish. Lazziness is a poison. Slowly but surely it kills you. I need a target. I must have coloqium before Christmast. First week of Desember if they allow me too. There still some problem in my program. I need to generalize it.

Lazy...lazy....

2004-11-22T00:50:00.000-08:00

I should've stuy for my thesis but noooo........I'm too lazy *bang her head to the wall* Must not lazy!

Lately, I watching this anime 'Detective Que'. It has a interesting characters and stories. My favorite characters must be Kyu and Ryu ^^ Ryu is a bit melancolic, very calm while Kyu is very talkative. Both of them talented as a detective. Ryu methods is different than Kyu. From my opinion or my ego, I think Kyu is more....natural than Ryu. That's my opinion though. I don't know about other people.

I suppose to go to department of math for a gathering. Well....my fellow student still in the lab so....I think I wait until they go.

Back again, baby!

2004-11-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

Well....I'm still not finished my thesis. Still stress. But I'm back.

Flower party

2004-07-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

It reminds me of those talking flowers in Alice in Wonderland. Love that story.

Cassablanca..it smells wonderfull

Poppies

Nigella...I've never saw this flower before

Bluebell

I took thess images from Google...I don't own this image

Off for a while

2004-07-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

Well....I think I'll stop posting in this blog for a while, since I must concentrate on my thesis. Writing a post in English take time and concentration so....I just can't do it for a while.

See you next time my dear blog. Maybe next time I'll name you with something properly, you know like talking to a person. A private journal.

Freak her mighty

2004-07-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I write it right (again...hahahah). Freak her mighty is a film that I just watched not so long ago. It touch me....the film tell story about two boy who unlikely be together but they become best friend. They started a quest, a journey to find who they really are and what they can be..more than they expected.

Then I start to think about myself and what I can be. I don't know what I'll be in the future but I knew what I choose right now will affect my future. I want to be a teacher, I want to explore the worl with its beauty, forest...animal...trees..flowers...I want to act more than I am right now. I hate to stay put and have a life that...boring...has little meaning. I can be greater...I can be more than I expected. I owe myself to be greater than I am now.

I want to know more live,experience more love,excitement, joy, grief...everything that I can think of. I want to live mylife to the fullest.

Azalea

2004-06-23T23:34:00.000-07:00

fruits!

2004-06-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love it?

At last the food is gone!

2004-06-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

You remember when I told you that my parents came to my uncle new house and celebrating ‘acara selamatan’? Well. They came back with a special ‘package’ which is Balinese food. There’s lawar, ayam betutu, satay, sayur singkong (yes...ladies and gentlemen, if you remember my poem about sayur singkong in bloggerfamily), etc. My mother and my sister don’t like it but my father and I love it! So we’re the only one who eat it (minus sayur singkong since my father can’t eat it due to his asam urat, so I’m the only one who eats it). I’m gratefull that even when I heated the food over and over, it still edible.

Talking about lawar. My father said that it was my uncle who made it. Way to go uncle! It’s kinda different from my ordinary lawar. My uncle made with cengkir (that’s er….the meat from coconut that’s steamed, I’m not sure if is from old coconut or young coconut), meat and fresh herbs and warp it with banana leaves. Not bad at all. It smells different but its excellent food. And sayur singkong was made by my Niyang (Grandmother). She specially delivered it from Bali, isn’t that nice? I haven’t seen her for ages. They said that she still like KFC and she can eat emping even when she knew that she has no teeth. I don’t know how she can eat those.

Oh Yes…if you wonder why my English not so good. English not my native language so…be nice to me. Ok?

To be or not to be...that is the question

2004-06-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

Did I write it right? I’ve heard it in Shakespeare book...but I don’t know the exact word. Let see...my live had been going up side down....it still.....right now I think is the most challenging year of my life. I have to fight myself so I can graduate. I’m a very lazy person if I have to do something that I don’t interest with or don’t like it. Yes, I’m talking about my thesis again. I got the algorithm, I got two great Professor which...er....one of them I would say kinda difficult to work with. But I still don’t have the spirit to finish my work. I want to write an RP or original stories, I want to watch movies, I want to go back to Virtual Hogwart community....gwahhh!!!!!!!Too many temptations not in the right moment. They’re always like that. Why...why!!!!!

I’m Rping in Greatestjournal and...well....it’s kinda died out, nobody posting again....maybe because its summer vacation? Everybody is in beach? Most of them are younger than me (it usually like that) and they just finish their final exam. I envy them; I want to go out too!!! Today my sister went to Dufan and my parent wouldn’t let me join her...*sniffles* I want to go to Dufan....

But then....when I was alone in my room (my parents went to my uncle new house, it’s for acara selamatan), I start to organize my paper...start to make schedule, when do I have to finish Chapter I and II and when do I have to do SIG II, etc....and that make me feel better. Now...I can work properly.

My big brother also goes tomorrow to someplace...like Dufan but I forget name of the place. And I downloaded 4 trailer….hehehe….Harry Potter again, Passion of the Christ, and LOTR. I want to watch Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban!!!!!!!

Books......

2004-06-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

I have two new books now, Claiming Sleeping Beauty and Blackwood Farm, both created by Anne Rice. Still love that dramatically sensitively novelist …hehehe…my friend Seruni had enough of Anne Rice…..maybe because Seruni like strong character…not too emotionally character. Seruni is my best friend…I’m fortunate to have her.

I want to buy another book by Anne Rice, but that can wait. I haven’t finish Blackwood Farm and in the middle of my thesis so I can’t clumsily buy too much novel. And….I promise my friend Panji that I’ll buy Eragon (did I write it right?), and I must say I kinda curious about that book. People say that it’s an excellent book. Let just see about that when I have the time to buy it.

Oh right….for information, I buy those books in (ak.’sa.ra) book store in Jl. Kemang Raya no.8B…..nice place. It’s a building with a book store inside it, a café and a music store…. I want to go there again someday. Not too long I hope.

Birthday!!

2004-06-09T22:11:00.000-07:00

Yey, this day is my birthday! But I got a bit problem this morning. I couldn't find Fuji Image place that can photograph (digitally) me and my mother. Fortunately there's Fuji in Radio Dalam, not far away from Nokia that can do that. So we went there.

At last I can buy some cakes and give it to my friend, they like it. I correct..THEY LOVE IT!!! Too bad the cake already cold when we eat it. But nevertheless, they love it. Who would resist free foods, right?

Anyway, I need to phone my mother and if can I want to pick her up somewhere and go home. Oh yeah, I need to duplicate my KTM, KTP and ask the address of UI. Wuih...And oh yes, one big happy feeling when I get my TOEFL score. It's 250!!!!!!!!!!!!! equal to 600 in paper based test! Wohoooo...luv you, God!

-Ayu

quiet.......

2004-06-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've done nothing for more than two weeks. I've to do something. I can't leave my thesis just like that. But...why that I always....weak when I want to study my thesis again. It's like I don't want to look at it ever again and just wait until doomsday.

My birthday is two days more from now. I hope my old friends still remember me. Dee-Dee,Helen,Bowo,Tara,Primita,Debbie,Chrissy,etc...

Hm........how about him...will he remember my birthday? or better,will he give me present?

my bestfriend is back!! yey!

2004-06-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know how long I pry that I will met Dee - Dee again and ...I met her! not physically but in Friendster! How long is it? maybe two years or less. I've give her my hp number, hopefully she will contact me someday.

-Ayu

Wuah....trailer!

2004-06-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

I downloaded Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban trailer and Lord of The Ring the trilogy trailer. It's amazing!!!!! It's so cool. Well, yeah there's a bit error in LOTR trailer but I just love it! I can wait to see HP-TPA, hm....who will I ask to accompany me to watch that movie....

I've been stressed lately. I just so enough with my thesis! I did bad presentation on my SIG I and after then I just give up. But then, I come to a conclusion that I need to stand up and face this bad phase of my life and hopefully I will pass it. Let just pry to God for that. For He is my redeemer and my strength.

6 more day and I turn to 22! People, give me gifts!!

-Ayu

Yep. I'm in the mood.

2004-05-19T04:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah..I'm so happy and yet very afraid.

I can have SIG I om Friday, Professor Djati said that its up to me when do I want to have SIG I. At last! I'm afraid he never agree about me taking SIG I too early (with my little knowledge, I doubt I can do perfect on SIG I).

I'm afraid I'll give shame to Professor Djati and Professor Hendri on SIG I. Like I said,I don't think I have lot of knowledge that I can present about SVM. God, please help me. Btw God, thanks that I can SIG I on Friday.

-Ayu

Roses

2004-05-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

Roses are red and violets are blue
Honey is sweet but not as sweet as you

Stress...again..but with hope

2004-05-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yep...I'm stress again. I don't think Mr. Djati will allow me to have SIG I on Friday. No........! I have to convince him, I don't care if he mad at me or yelling at me. I have to do SIG I on Friday! Wednesday I'll met him and I pry to God I can convince him about my SIG I.

Amin

-Ayu

just a thought

2004-05-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

I come to an end...ah what a distressful words! Sometime I can't take to learn another thing, it exhausted, especially if its about education in school or college or institution like that. I can't say I'm exhausted because of math because I don't hate math. I'm tired of it, sometimes, but I don't hate it. I just hate what I'm feeling, that I'm exhausted.

I'm scared about how will I face the future, how will I get a job. Will I get a job in a Bank? like many people have? or I get a job exactly like I want..but I'm sure that's need extra fight to get it.

I want to rest, actually. See the sun, sleeping in the grass,drink bana juices with milk...bath with mango bath gel...

-Ayu

2004-05-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

song by Bilbo in Lord of The Ring book
by J.R.R. Tolkien

Van Gogh Paintings

2004-05-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

Starry Night
.

Starry Night Over the Rhone

Vase with Fourteen Sunflowers

In the night

2004-05-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

Young and restless.. Well,I'm still young adult and I rarely have a long sleep. Haha, I don't think that what it means.

I'm in the midle of writing my thesis. Its about Support Vector Machine. Interesting but difficult to learn, from my opinion of course. Basically its about a learning systems that use a hypothesis space of linear functions in a high dimensional feature space, trained with a learning algorithm from optimisation theory that implements a learning bias derived from statistical learning theory.

I wonder how's Cimber doing. I also want to know how's Dee-dee, Bowo, and Helen doing. Are they fine? Although Helen gave me her hp number, she rarely send me SMS.

-Ayu

The Beginning

2004-05-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

This is the beginning. This is the first time I use blog.